I have tried to react as a thinking traveller to the furore over the new security procedures that are being introduced in US airports. But, I will also be ready to see possibilities for absurd and silly things. One that struck me yesterday concerned profiling. TSA seem reluctant to profile possible terrorists, preferring to treat all passengers alike and equally suspect. Some commentators have started to question whether TSA should now scrutinize more carefully the profiles of those who apply for jobs with them. They have wondered about the motives of those who may now seek to be body handlers, rather than baggage handlers at airports. So, my suggestion aims to avoid TSA getting itself into more public hot water by some careless personnel policies.
While it may be harsh to do so, I think TSA should ban immediately some of the following from getting jobs. It may seem prejudicial or injurious, but we all need to be seen to make sacrifices. Names matter and they may risk giving people cause for concern where none need be raised. It may seem heartless and insensitive in these recessionary times to single people out for things as arbitrary as the names they were given by their parents. But, for the greater good, I feel it needs to be done and done fast.
Here is a tentative list of specific names, and I suggest that those who are as concerned as I am alert TSA to their concerns by offering their preferred selections for the names-that-don’t-fly rule:
- Pat Downs
- Bill Holder
- Dick Holder
- Patty Holder
- Pat Bottoms
- Peter Packer
- Ben Dover
More sweeping would be to bar anyone whose family name is Balls (especially if forenames are Ivor or Lily), Palmer (especially those with first name Peter), or Patterson (especially those named Will), and combinations of these. These are early days in this new policy move by TSA, but I believe that the more we all think about it and help to massage it, the better it will be for us all.